Excerpts: Where is Nirvana?

here are some few excerpts from my latest post, please visit http://www.elfiedeathofday.blogspot.com/ for more articles, and leave comments please. ii. because they are i am trying to describe my classmates. i have lived with them for nearly four years now, and still i have certain questions that i simply can’t answer. which reminds me of this very special incident that happened during my super favorite Values Education class with Ma’am Brizuela. well, it’s a scenario you would easily pluck out of a grotesquely wet drama series, but just the same, the surroundings, the wailings, these strange but familiar faces, they made me think of things i refused to ponder on for the last three years.

it was one of the really nice friday afternoons you could ever have. except for the fact that some of your classmates are still eating lunch, and five minutes to go and Values Ed. is about to start. in its usual state, the class was “academically buzzy”, meaning people kept blabbering about quizzes and lessons. FAST FORWARD. ma’am brizuela opens the discussion with a disappointed frown and i already sensed something was really wrong. she said our class was a pathetic waste[joke, she said it lacks unity and closeness], and everyone agreed. i remember, it was our class mayor, Lean, who first talked about the issue in front of everyone. this is what i remember about what he said, semi-verbatim: “i regret the fact that i belong to this class, because when you are here and you are with these people, it’s so difficult to find real friends. people here can be deceiving.”

Lean’s remarks struck me like a lazy dog kicked in the ass. those were the exact words i have desperately sought for whenever i try to describe the feeling of being in IV-Einstein. it really is difficult to find real friends, because a lot of us are crappy hypocrites who are really greedy[of course, i am not one of them!]. some of us are deceiving, up to certain degrees that you would not even expect to be plausible for 16 year old students. i am evil. why am i even saying such nasty things about my class. no one can blame me, or blame us. our collective description might be externally nasty but probe it and the fact that they are real in all its rawness establishes that compelling acceptance of truth. we are disturbingly imperfect. too much of imperfection can be unhealthy and evil. more whinings came and we saw a gaunt Maurice crying like some hydroelectric-sourced waterfalls by the blackboard, and all Ma’am could ever do was to comfort him. we have never seen him cry, he was always smiling, laughing, studying or cracking cheap jokes. but never has he said that he felt degraded being in the class.

Ayra was furious, as usual, when it comes to being vocal. and again we saw her bravura in contained belligerence, howling like a Mayon gone catatonic. but fortunately she summed it all up, but stupid me, i have forgotten what she has said. all i could recall was how she made everyone quiet, because she made us know that she was really right. then hordes followed, Carlo sounding like a runaway seminarian, Michelle in her usual crybaby mode, andrea,uhm..never mind her, kristine fighting over a boy with rcristy..and these people..gahd, why can’t i tolerate them, ever.

[rephrase that] the event was messy, but real. never mind that it was spine-tingling and goosebump-inducing, it was as real as how we wished everything would be. i guess i have to accept the fact that i am in this class that seems so unideal for people hungry for social life. but again and again and again, i never felt like complaining. i used to, in 2nd year. but now i realized pointing out the flaws is as futile as staring at them. the least and the most i could ever do is to let things be so, for i can never correct whatever inversions or perversions there are in the psyche of my compulsory friends. i just have to live with them. you can’t blame me, we are an unusual mixture of the mutually repulsive. our state is fatal, not intentional. if there should be a change to be stirred up, it must be a collective effort, not again one of my lazy drowsy calls for change. i will surely remember that Friday class.