Browse > Home / Love, Personal / Battle Scars

Battle Scars

April 16, 2007

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows no victory or defeat.- Theodore Roosevelt

Sometimes I wonder how come I’ve experienced so many hurts and difficulties in life, especially in romantic relationships. What did I do wrong to deserve the pain? I contemplate upon my imperfections, whether my unsightly bulges or my overwhelming care led to the unfortunate series of events that plagued my adulthood eversince. Have I become too attached or too detached? Have I been too selfish? Have I been too fearful or fearless? Should I have done things differently?

At times when I’m at Starbucks coffee shop, or even at the gym lounge, I look around me and observe couples seated together in tables, some in groups, some in isolation. And, in my eyes, they seem so all right. Not carefree. Just right. As if by some skill they can walk lightly across the tightrope that is human relationships and not fall. Why can’t I do that, too?

For some people, love isn’t so difficult. It can be as simple as boy meets girl, boy courts girl (or girl courts boy or they court each other), boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married and live happily ever after (if you want to be politically correct about this, just replace the “boy” and “girl” with the sex of your choice). There may be episodes when one gets caught with his/her pants down. But after asking for forgiveness and it was accepted, relationships continue as if nothing happened. And they still live happily ever after.

Most of the men I had in life had been unfaithful to our relationship. One claimed that I’m his only woman. True enough. What he did not mention though was that there’s another man. Another promised that I will be his bride and fed me dreams of us walking down the aisle, exchanging marriage vows, and starting our family in a land far, far away, in a land of flowing milk and honey. I languished in those dreams until by accident I discovered that it wasn’t only I who languished in those dreams but also another woman whom he promised the same things. And when the inevitable time came, he chose her over me. Another wanted me to indulge his fantasies of virility by having sex with him and another woman at the same time. And another guy wanted to rekindle a dying relationship and I was about to agree to this venture when I found out he had already married his girlfriend.

One would think that a person could only come across dilemmas like these once or twice in a lifetime. I had encountered it four times, from four different men, in the span of three years, one after another.

How many more of these jerks would I be meeting still? How much more of unfaithfulness can I handle?

Continue Reading This Entry

Written by Prudence · Filed Under Love, Personal 

Comments


Got something to say?





Your Ad Here
. . . . . . . . . . . . .