Life of a Polymyositis Patient….

First of all, I wanna ask all of you… does anybody know what polymyositis mean? probably some of you does but let me tell some of you who doesn’t. It is a medical condition wherein the muscles in different parts of the human body, especially thighs and both arms are weakened because the immune system does not recognize its own cells and in a way it attacks its own which resullts to this condition. I dont want to discuss it in a scientific way or medically coz I dont want to bore you guys.. maybe I wll discuss it in another time.

Well, sadly I have this condition… and to have this kind of disease is very hard. Because the muscles are weak, the person who has this is also physically weak, so weak to the point wherein it’s hard to do the physical chores like climbing up the stairs, getting up from sitting position, and the most embarassing part is I always trip and fall. Isn’t  that so embarassing? and you have to see me walk, it’s like I dont have control over my legs and feet, and my thighs are so small compared to those of others, my muscles are so soft.

But despite this condition that I have I was able to finish my college degree and was able to have a normal life, I’ve had several boyfriends, friends and got a job.  but now that I’m not getting any younger my apprehension gets stronger each day. Like anyone else, I want to get married, have kids and have my own family. What concerns me most is the reality that I have to get pregnant and carry the child in my womb and I know that getting pregnant is not that easy physically. For someone to be able to carry a child she should be emotionally and physically fit. I am emotionally ready but im very sure of myself that I’m not ready physically.

I have already gotten myself checked by a doctor and he gave me steroids for my medicine but I don’t like it coz the drug made me look fat, well I think it’s an aritificial fat only and it didn’t help me any better aside from having the appetite for food. I haven’t been in the doctor’s office for years coz I don’t have much money for the medication. My family is not rich so they can’t support me with all the expenses. I am desperate, sad, scared and sometimes I just wish and pray to God to just take me so I will not suffer anymore. I know I’m being pessimistic right now but that’s just how I feel.