THE FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS
Posted by Bee on August 23, 2007 · 1 Comment
I’m feeling down today, bored, lonely and a bit apprehensive of what life might bring tomorrow. I’m not getting any younger and yet I’m still single, worried that I might end up alone when I grow old. I don’t want that to happen. Most of my friends are married and have already their own families and kids and they are happy. To be honest, I’m a bit envious and jealous of them, seeing them happy and secure with their status, with their husbands who are on their side who loves them. I know I should not be feeling this way but I can’t help but ask what’s wrong with me? Why do I always end up lonely and hurting whenever I’m in a relationship? Why do they always leave me?
I feel as if nobody cared about me, as if I don’t exist at all, as if nobody sees me. I feel so empty, so sad, and I don’t know what to do and don’t know where to go. My life is literally worthless, empty, and there is a big hole somewhere in me. Some of my friends remembers me only when they want or need something out of me and they forget to see or know how I was or what I’m up to. I want to go somewhere far away wherein nobody knows me, I want to travel the universe and never come back here on Earth. I want to be lost in nowhere, float across the globe, soar in the sky, fly high and never look back. I want to feel nothing, not even joy nor pleasure, no nothing. Just the feeling of nothingness because I feel that that is me. NOTHING… NOBODY..
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Lady,
Spend time blogging. Think of an advocacy you wanted to propagate. Find a passion of your own to develop. Life is like that. You think being married or having a family can give you what yu are finding for? It might help, but soon your children will grow old, your partner stays as he/she is and you alone will be left in this world. So find a passion of your own to outpour your doll moments. Then, wake up and face the reality. This is life. It must go own. You’re not as useless as what you think you are.