REMEMBERING THE GOOD OLD DAYS….

Wow, just the mere mention of ACL makes me nostalgic already, happy and smile and that I want to cry at the same time sometimes. My life has been like a roller coaster in the months that have just past because of the things that happened to me especially when it comes to my emotions and personal life. But before we go to that topic let me start from the very beginning.

Wow, that’s a long story! I started at ACL without any friends or acquaintances. Well, that’s how it really goes when you’re just starting in a new company or in a new working environment. Then after a while I get to meet new people who then eventually became my friends..  

I first met Cassanova and got the chance to talk to her. She said her nickname was “Kc”, and I gladly intoduced myself back to her. I said I’m “Badette” which is short for Bernadette. We talked for a bit more and we found out that we’re both from the province of Bicol. Nice, we already have a common denominator and that made us one inch closer to each other – that is being from the same province.

Came the time for us to choose what shift we want to be assigned to, Kc and I
decided that we want to be in night shift. So, that’s it, we were deployed in the 3rd shift.
Then we started working, chatting away, talking to clients and never ending chatting.
And of course, the best part is earning lots of money..heehehhe! well, we deserved it!

I was assigned in room 1209 where I met new faces  while KC came to be friends with the scammers…
I mean the top sellers..hehehehhe!!! I met new friends.. well, actually I didn’t mind having few friends then because in the first place it was the job I was after and that’s why I was there in the first place. I was working really hard and after my shift I would go straight home. Good girl…

Then months have passed by, I started to have few friends, and that’s the time that
my friendster account needed updating, I was not really into that thing because I felt that I was too old for that. Anyyway, there I was doing my friendster account and uploading my pictures just for my new friends. It was the “IN” thing, so, what the heck? I jumped into the bandwagon…Then, here is now the exciting part, in a sense that my everyday routine life had a bit of diversion.
Hmmmmm..how do I start?  let’s say, someone took notice of me..yehey!! He said, he was a friend of KC’s, and his name was Billie. He introduced himself in this fashion when I asked him who he was,
he said “I’m Billie from ACL, shift 3, friend of Cass (KC). Ah ok…I can still vividly remember the first time he sent me the very first text message. That was new year’s eve. He just sent me a new year’s greeting  then I asked him  who he was and then he politely replied to my question. Then I said thank you and greeted him back..and that was it. Days have passed as if nothing happened. When we came back to work from theholidays, I wanted to greet and thank Billie in person for showing the nice gesture of greeting me on that special occasion but then it’s as if for him it was just nothing coz when we chanced upon each other at ACL he didn’t say hello to me. So, I let that pass.
Prior to that, to be honest, I never noticed them ( Billie’s Co. ) much less Billie. I dont know..maybe because I was busy and very serious about my job then that I didn’t even notice them. Then one working night, Billie added me to his msn account and it all started there…

Oh, one may wonder where did he get my msn addy and number, it was from KC. And then he started making me laugh, saying nice and sweet things about me like ” you look cool tonight or pretty tonight”, and what do u expect if a guy tells that to a girl? I felt beautiful then. Well, as a matter of fact, it was nice talking to him coz he would always make me laugh and that’s one thing I really like so much about him.

We started talking more, we went together on break time and laugh together. That was it, the reason why he was making friends with me coz he liked me, at least, that’s what he told me. And then things was running smoothly between us though I never planned that to happen.

To make the story a bit shorter, we became an item. To be honest, I never really expected that I would like him ever coz he was not really the kind of guy that I would go for. But it happened. Some things came when we least expect it, right? That’s what happened to me. I started liking him each day
that we were together. Because of him, I get to meet his circle of friends and I became close to them as well.

Those were the happy days coz we get to hang out together. We would have drinking and eating sessions whenever we could and if time and work allows us to have fun together with other friends. It was so much fun coz the entire group was there, we almost occupied the whole place. The never ending story-telling would be heard in the four corners of the bar, and  we were so very noisy as if we never seen each other for years. About me and Billie, we were doing ok and happy. The time that we spent together as couple was not that long but there were so many good memories. 

I still remember the very first time he kissed me and I’m sure that he too still remembers it. He kissed me for the very first time when we were on the elevator. Shortly after that, he then told me that he wants to be on the elevator with me always so he could have a kiss. That thought still makes me smile to this day. And then he loved taking my pictures… I wonder where are those pictures now. He made me buy a sun cellular sim so we could text and talk on the fone for hours after work or at least if we have time…
I still remember the early morning walks I took with him and Butching along Pearl drive. The fried chicken from mini-stop, smoking session, and the laughter that we have shared together. I miss them so much!  I wonder if he still remember how hard I would laugh at his jokes.  That’s the time  I realized I love this guy already. But  I’ve always wondered (and I still do) if he has ever felt the same way for me…hhmmmmmmmmm… Sure, he made me laugh but then he also made me cry. He made me happy but then he also made me sad. He made me feel good but then he also made me feel pain.
And then the inevitable and one of the most dreaded things that a person who’s in a relationship came…. “the break-up”… nice!!! very timely…. It happened before our birthdays. What a birthday gift!

There it was, we broke up before our respective birthdays ( mine is march 26, his is march 23). The good thing about it was that eventhough we’ve already broken up we were still civil to each other. it was hard….just very hard….coz how can I be truly happy during my birthday when my heart was still bleeding? That was the most memorable birthday that I ever had. How could it not become memorable when my heart has just been broken? But eventhough we were no longer together as couple, we still pushed through with the celebration…it was fun, lots of beer, foods and laughter and  the entire troop of friends was there and we all got drunk.

All the while they were oblivious that we have just broken up. The days have passed and everything has just started to sink in and I started asking lots of questions.. why? why me?  What have I done wrong? Questions like those… Oh, by the way, he was the one who broke up with me… one of the many ironies in life.  This is the first time that someone has broken up with me… oh well, thats life..  Well, I dont need to enummerate the reasons as to why he has opted to split up with me because I don’t want to make him look bad. But those who are close to us both knew the reasons why we had to part ways.
 
It was doubly hard on my part coz I know I haven’t done something bad to deserve that. I felt so inadequate, so small, so ashamed, and for once my self-steem went spiralling down and it almost break me apart. I wasn’t hurt because he broke up with me or because I lost him. I was hurt so bad coz I think that I’ve done my part in the relationship, and as far as im concerned I was good to him. I know I’m not perfect but I’ve done my share. Well, I guess, that’s life, right?  No matter how good I was, there will come a time that some people will try to bring me down. I was hurt becoz I felt I was just being used, I felt I was being played on, and I wasn’t in that relationship just to play a game. That’s how I felt that moment.

Oh well, eventhough it was hard and painful the only thing that I can do was to move on. The most important thing was that I was true to him and in that aspect he cannot blame me for anything because I have done nothing wrong and I did’nt hurt anybody. The realization came and I can do nothing but to move forward. I was (and am still) happy to know that I have friends who have given me strength to go on and that each one of them has given me piece of comfort and advice.
And most of all, they were there for me when I needed company, they accompanied me through the pain, and listened to my lamentations and in my crying moments, 
That’s life right?  Not always happy. Sometimes we have to suffer in order for us to appreciate the good things that we have. Because of what happened I became closer to my friends. You would think that my guy friends are so manly and macho that someone would think they are insensitive  when it comes to this kind of discussion, about giving advice to love problems. But I found out that they are as sensible and sensitive as women. Now I realized that I should not cry over losing him coz he needs to find himself in order for him to learn more about life, relationships and many other things that will make him a good and mature man.
   

FULFILLMENT IN WRITING

Im new in this writing stuff online or what is popularly know as weblogging. I have always loved writing coz it gives me release from everything, from sadness, and any possible negative emotions we can possibly feel, in short it is my therapy.  When i was broken hearted, i wrote down my feelings, when i was happy i posted funny thoughts on my home page. That’s how I express my feelings coz i always wanted other people to know how i feel and im happy now that i have a place where i can be able to write and share my feelings, thoughts and ideas for others to read and even comment on if they feel like doing so, and im loving it!

I’ve already written some and im happy to see that my post has been visited and read by others and some even gave comment.. Wow, that feels great!!! It feels good when you know that someone out there understands you and that they can relate to what you are going through. And now i know that some people cared eventhough they are hundred miles away from me.

Back when i still know nothing about blogging, i used to write my ideas on my notebook and i kept them and read them over and over again. One time I wrote something about my experiences in the company which i  work for and posted it on my home page. Some of my experiences there are not that good, but i didnt delve on the negative side of it coz i wanted it to be memorable for those who will get the chance to read it, and i really wanted my good friends to know how i feel for them and how much i enjoyed being with them. True enough, most of them enjoyed reading it and for me it felt great and it was worth it  knowing that i am heard and that people gets to appreciate and respects me, and they get the chance to know the real me. Isn’t it so fulfilling?!?!?!