Fw: ANG LUPIT NI INDAY – the complete version :)
Forwarded mail lang ‘to…
-oOo-
Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday
bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo…
Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto,
maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo
ba ang lahat ng ito?
Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management
with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will
contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my
creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of
outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.
Amo: [nosebleed]
Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.
Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well
engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the
boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: [nosebleed ulit]
Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.
Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?
Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the
increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste
drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
Amo: [nosebleed na naman]
Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.
Donya: [hinimatay]
Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal’s office
dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.
Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.
Inday: It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight.
I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this
educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!
Principal: [nag resign]
Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.
Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred
wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered
indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage
to the path it was heading for.
Amo: [nosebleed ulit]
Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.
Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in
property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding
punishment to be inflicted upon you!
Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]
Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya
umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.
Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?
Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish
reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if
they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it’s harder when
people can’t understand you for doing so.
Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]
Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver
ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.
Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable
statement to the denial of your request – Petition denied.
Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si
Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break
si Inday ke Dodong.
Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the
provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I
love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to
love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!”
Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as
any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely
attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily
recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself”
Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.
Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things
you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you’ll realize
that the one you gave away is the very thing you’ve been wishing
for to stay.
Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.
Amo: [nagpakamatay]
-oOo-
“I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for
some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that
niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was
made separated from.”
- Inday. hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick
-oOo-
“I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour
of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for
you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you
is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.”
- Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend
niya
-oOo-
“The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way
you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to
think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper
household dismissed my petition!”
- ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong (driver ng kapitbahay)
-oOo-
Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka. would you
please purchase many fishes for our this week’s meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish.
The term “fishes”, although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a
plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled
creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to
the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen
or just right smack the day’s catch? (Pauses) Aaah. by manner of careful
extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold’s quasi-peasant
middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple “galewng-gowng”.
Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the “ba-ngooz” is it!
-oOo-
“La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede
usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por
favor?
- si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España
-oOo-
*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice
(red avriety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
- baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday
-oOo-
“Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve
spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this
eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!”
- reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng
tilapia
-oOo-
“Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino
delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic
process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the
harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market.”
- banat ni Inday kung bakit walang “kangkong” sa nilutong sinigang
-oOo-
“Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat
which is the steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name
of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste.”
- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing
-oOo-
“Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!”
- si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate. (Taray talaga ni
Inday!)
-oOo-
“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to
the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including
histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase
circulation to the site promoting redness.”
- sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior
-oOo-
Amo: Day! Bakit may bukol si Junior?!
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well
engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s
cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: (Di nakareact)
-oOo-
“Dear Mom,
Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago.
Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he
had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his
shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being
a governess can be such a strenuous employ.
Your daughter,
Inday”
“Dear Inday,
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang
ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!
Tatay”
-oOo-
Mister: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV??!!!
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!
-oOo-
Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz kahapon? Bkit daw umalis si Angel
Locsin sa GMA7?
Inday: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but
because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving
can be a tough act and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for
doing so.
-oOo-
“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s
body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from
our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.”
- sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff
-oOo-
Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the
value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate.
Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair.
This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and
Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!
Misis: ADIK ka talaga Inday!
-oOo-
ayos ba? 
kung kanino man ‘to, sabihin nyo lang kung bawal ‘tong pag-post nito dito 
