Browse > Home / Love, Personal, Relationships, Women / Pitstop

Pitstop

October 20, 2007

It has nothing to do with the Glorietta Mall Blast Explosion… I just feel bad for days and stuffs… :(
18th of October supposed to be the 7th month anniversary of me and my tar… I have to admit that he was never the kind of man who remembers everything about “US” - he was never the sweet one though he used to be one…

We started out as friends. I was his confidante, his friend, and I was the only person whom he trusted with his deep dark secrets. I was the one who listens to all his heart problems. I was even the one who taught him that “Time will heal all his wounds.”

Whenever he’s hurting it’s me who’s beside him. I did give him my shoulder for him to cry on. There were a lot of times that he feels like shit and unworthy to be loved. But I made him feel that maybe that one person he fell in love with isn’t the right one for him…

The time when he was healing and mending his broken heart, I just can’t imagine how torn he was because of that one certain girl who made him nuts and even had him wrapped around her finger and made him so stupid and being used.

I too am a girl and I know what it feels like being naked, were I don’t leave anything for myself just for that one person I love. I do take risks and the hell with the consequences. That’s how I love.

Till last 18th of April were he texted me and told me how much he cares for me. I don’t know what happened next but I received this message from him saying that, “he loves me too”

I was shocked, devastated and felt uneasy that time. I can’t quite remember telling him that “I love him” - I felt so twisted and at certain point was being paranoid. Paranoid to the point that I asked ALL my friends if they happened to use my cellphone. But all I got from them was, “No way Matel! Where in the world are you? You out of your mind? You can’t live without your cell girl! Get real!”

So I was like, okay then. How did it happen? My mind’s spinning, my heart’s pounding so fast. Not that I don’t like him, but it’s just that maybe in one way or the other my mind’s playing tricks on me. I was thinking that maybe he’s just being a jackass and maybe fooling around with me. I even thought that maybe he’s just being nice. That maybe he’s just sees me as his spare tire.

A lot has been playing on my mind. More like windmills…

But, yeah I do love him. I listen to him not because I’m his friend (or maybe yes), but most of all because I love him much that I hate it seeing him in deep shit situation and hurting so badly.

On our ride home were he picked me up from my event, silence was painted between us. But I do stole a glance at him and I can see him smiling for no reason. That once again I saw that real smile on his lips and through his eyes is a man who feels so happy. And there he broke the ice and exclaimed, “TAYO NA!” - for me it was a bit awkward that I can’t even tell him that there was never really “US” but I was too afraid to ruin his mood. He then again exclaimed, “18 pala tayo…” and he hold my hand and gave it a soft squeeze. I could tell that my knees felt like a jell-o that once I stand, I’ll fall or maybe faint…

Those were just a few of our happy moments. Days were he still has time for me and a few months that I felt like I was so cherished.

August 18 and he told me that he and his friends will have a boys night out… I then, gave way for that. Never looking on my calendar and yes it was our monthsary. I just gave him what he wants and I don’t us arguing about some petty monthsary thing… Out of the blue a friend of mine called me and tell me that he saw my boyfriend somewhere with this woman who she thinks is the mother of my boyfriend’s ex. I just ignored it and acted deaf.

Evening of August 18 till August 19 of 2 am I was over his place. Made a bit of surprise and prepared and cooked his favorite chili buffalo wings with sour cream dip and my special Italian spaghetti… I’ve waited for hours and still no sign of him. The food I prepared for him was untouched and I could tell something isn’t right. I heard keys and the door opened up. It was him! So I told him, “You want to eat? Initin ko yung niluto ko.” He just gave me this cold remark and told me he’s not hungry at all. So I just paused for a while and gave him this casual nod. He then gave me this hug and I pulled out from it and pushed his hand away. I asked him what time it is. And he turned his back on me. I cracked up seriously. That wasn’t right, not even okay… And I know bad things gonna happen.

I then told him don’t push your luck on me. Coz what I feel right now, the disappointment, the anger it’s up on my temple. He then pushed me on the wall and the least I could do is fought back. I pushed him back and that’s were he hit me… He punched me right on my chest not just once but two fucking times. I just burst out into tears and locked myself inside the comfort room. Light a cigarette and cried more…

I then left his place without saying goodbye. I went home and pretended that I am alright… He didn’t call me to say he’s sorry…

The next day they went at this party and he even flirted with some hoe. People were like the bitch’s rubbing her chest on him. She would run her fingers through his head and your guy’s like “ok-do-what-you-like”…

What the hell’s happening?! I mean, the person I am dealing with isn’t me anymore! I was never the silent type coz I would rather confront him and talk things out.

He doesn’t know how to say “sorry” not even a simple “thank you”… He can’t admit his mistakes… Man’s ego, yeah!

For a month, I let it pass… I kept quiet and pretend that I don’t give a shit, that I don’t give a damn. But inside me, he’s slowly killing me.

Too many promises that he kept hanging… Promises that he broke… I did my best… I gave everything to him… I gave him my world without asking anything in return… But, now where am I? I sometimes don’t even know who I am anymore…

I’m losing it, I think… I’ve loved him the best I can… I’ve loved him the way I think he will in some way he’ll appreciate, but he didn’t. It’s a one way relationship and life’s like a race circuit. We need to slowdown, we need to shift gears, we sometimes need to take a reverse and we need to break… And I believe a PITSTOP awaits me, and then life goes on again…

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. I’ll never get a better understanding of what it’s all about until I make a decision to join the ride.

I did join the ride… Felt the thrill, felt the tension, felt the urge. And that’s all for me now… To find myself and finally make up my mind if I still want to join the ride of his life…

Pitstop!! That’s all I need.. Reality check and then go on and move on.

Sorry for the long post… I’m just a bit out of myself now… Guys, I need your reactions here… Well, at least what’s best for me to do… :nod:

Written by matsocampo · Filed Under Love, Personal, Relationships, Women 

Comments


3 Responses to “Pitstop”

  1. PinoyBlurker » Blog Archive » links for 2007-10-20 on October 20th, 2007 11:20 pm

    [...] Pitstop - PinoyBlogoSphere.com - Pinoy Bloggers Society (PBS) [...]

  2. PiNoYBLuRKeR@PinoyBlogoSphere.net » Blog Archive » links for 2007-10-20 on October 20th, 2007 11:21 pm

    [...] Pitstop - PinoyBlogoSphere.com - Pinoy Bloggers Society (PBS) [...]

  3. Matt on July 17th, 2008 1:13 am

    Hello!

    I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I’d like to request permission to use the photograph you have posted in this book. Please contact me at matt@wefeelfine.org, and I’d be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

    Sincerely,

    Matt

Got something to say?





Your Ad Here
. . . . . . . . . . . . .