I could not hear her heart beating for me anymore

Posted by mensab on January 5, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I donâ€™t have class today. No classes until January 10. No more late nights for reading and rushing papers to meet the deadliest deadline. NoÂ catching up with the school bus at â€œchepe mongeâ€ at 8:30am. No â€œgallo pintoâ€ for breakfast. No gaby for lunch. No tutorials in mathematics for Hannah and Seth. No emails from the department or classmates. No more raining in the afternoon. No more use for the umbrella.

Â TheseÂ have beenÂ the things I am used to have for the past four months.

When I go out in the afternoon, the breeze accompanies me to where I donâ€™t know where I am going. I walk on the same road which becomes unfamiliarÂ to me. Even to some dogs of my neighbors, I become a stranger. They bark the way they barked the first time they had seen me four months ago. Some leaves are scattered, together with the memories of new yearâ€™s celebration. Some stones are unturned and grounded, some roll as I make contact with them. I sing the same song as I walk.Â I see the lush green landscape beyondÂ Ciudad Colon.Â Some birds hover at a distance. I used to remember someone beyond the hills, at a far distance; someoneâ€™s heart beats for me. Sychronization of heartbeat with mine. The language of heartbeat breaks barriers ofÂ space and time.

Now, no more. I could notÂ hear her heart beating for me anymore. My heart beats. It is lost somewhere, beyond the hills. The birds could not guide it.Â I could not help it.

I donâ€™t have class today. Yet I donâ€™t feel like celebrating. I donâ€™t feel like on vacation. I feel likeâ€¦ I am losing my heartbeat. For someone, or no one, out there.

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