a letter for the past.

a letter for the person/persons i loved during the past.

there are 3 of them, and they all had something in common, theyre all pretty hard to get, and i never got them. ^_^

dear old love,

its me again, but hey, wait, im not here to bother you again.. there’s just some things i wanna say. it wont be that long but, i’ll make sure you’ll cry and regret you dumped me. hihi.

kidding aside, i hope you realized im your greatest loss. HAHA. thats another joke. hey, please do smile. you were never really pretty when you frown.. more so, when you cry. speaking about it, i remember the moments that i myself test you.. remember when i used to make you mad till you cry? well, im just trying to see whether youre human. haha. very insensitive; very selfish. i was.. or maybe i still am.

anyway, know what? you also made me cry. and damn, i looked ugly. then, i became pathetic. yea, i was as human as you, and as everybody else! you know how i tried to be perfect— for you! yes for you. i tried being perfect despite how IMPERFECT i am.

but you? you never cared. and its alright, cause for me, you were the most perfect human God created— God’s very own masterpiece! pity you never believed me. but still, till now, every figure of you, every angle, every look, i adore it.

people say i never had you. but i beg to disagree.. i think i had you. you know that.. right? i had you? i had you for a thought, i had you for a dream, and i had you for a moment. there was a moment you thought, “hey, guess im falling for him.” or “guess he’ll have to wait a lil bit more.” or if not, i know you always think of me way back then. you wait for my texts and your day wouldnt be complete without the annoying beep i give you. i had you.. and youve always had me.

anyway, know what? the moments i had you (or the moments i thought i did), those were the most important seconds i had in my life! every date, every walk, every look- i cherished and treasured those. for those are the moments where i felt closest to heaven. still think im ‘bolero’? no, frankly, these words are true. i really really really treasured every text you had. those heavy hurtful words are thorns but i still thanked God you replied!

oh damn, i never felt teary. instead, i felt happy. i was able to put all my heart out for you, dear past. WE were never WE (now readers now have a clue who they are, and rather, they’ll figure that i never loved a single girlfriend. maybe thats too harsh, i did love them— a liltle.) but im happy i learned how to love, how to court, and how to be EMO.

EMO aint fun you know.. it was, when EMO people were on high. but now they seem to be outcasts or out-moded freaks. HAHA. i regret slashing; i regret not crying much; but i never regreted i loved you.

you made a great deal breaking my heart, wonder why’d i fell for you? What is in you that keep me from wanting someone who never felt the same way I do after all? i cannot explain why in all the women in this world, i was stuck with you.. you have this some kind of scent i makes me want you more. you have this thing which i can never really explain, which makes me want you beside me.. I dream of you every night and day. I wanted to be next to you, I wanted to care, to make you feel so special, to relieve your sadness. I really wanted to, but i guess i wasnt enough for you.

too bad i cant go back to time. if only i can, i’d love you again, and be twice as better as the old fool who thought he was ready. the old fool who thought he even had the chance. the old fool who thought he can get any girl he wants. we both know he’s wrong. and he was more than a fool when he thought he’s just a day away.

dear old love, i cant tell our story is over. i cant really tell. i just hope you’ll say hi when we bump to each other. and i hope, just hope, you’ll able to give me a another shot when i asked for it. i dont know.. just like what i said, youre perfect to me. and i’d always think, and dream, and pray.. that youre perfect FOR me, cause i still think, i am for you.