God’s Best Gift Is Not For Me
Sometime in May this year, I had the privilege of listening to a Dr. John MacArthur sermon (mp3) about motherhood and he mentioned something in passing which struck me and stuck with me ever since. Today, I would like to share those words here with the hope of extending comfort to those who, like me, struggle with the pain of unexplained infertility.
John MacArthur was talking about Hannah in 1 Samuel in this sermon:
Listen, ladies, not only do you need a right heavenly, or rather a right husband relationship but a right heavenly one, too. It’s needful that when you have some problem you go to the Lord with it. She vowed a vow, she said, “O Lord of hosts, O Lord of hosts, if Thou wilt…” and she began to pray.
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Embracing His Will
How does one embrace the possibility of becoming childless for good?
Warren and I decided to stop from undergoing fertility treatments. For now it seems that he plans to stop temporarily but he could also be considering stopping it altogether, for good. I can only stand by the sidelines and let my husband lead me into the future. I am too exhausted emotionally and even physically to still think and make future plans of action. Anyway, we both agreed that this may not be the time to pursue medical intervention.
We agreed that our faith teaches us to rely on God and trust in His mercy and grace, that no matter how much we could spend and if ever we decided to spend for treatments, we will not conceive if God would not allow it. In the same manner, we will conceive even if we do not undergo fertility work ups if God wants to give us a child. Either way, there really isn’t anything man, medicine, science and technology can do unless God wills it.
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Indescribable Joy
I have always longed to be able to write completely, in detail, the gladness that fills my heart everyday since my Christianity, but each time I’d attempt, I’d fail for the lack of proper vocabulary to use. Today, let me try just once more, although I know there still won’t be a steady supply of right terminologies, I’d just as well do it now than never have the chance to let those who may chance upon this know how life changed for a wretched soul like me.
I have never known the feeling of true joy, or true happiness. To me, it was all just a state of mind. If you condition your mind to feeling it, then you will. Mind over matter. Psychology. I was such a fool for assuming that it was just that simple. (Continue Reading Here)
